I LOVE YOU! ❤

I have been spending almost every day with this boy here! ^.^ I just don't get bored spending time with him! Instead, I want to spend more time with him! I can't seem to spend enough time with him! And we don’t have to anything! It can be as simple as watching movies online and just lepak the whole day! ^.^ Hehehehe !

Guess what! I went to watch Joseph play football again! OMG! I just love watching him play football! Went up to this small balcony on top that allows me to look down at the turf court or whatever you call it! HAHAHAHA! I swear he is damn cute! Like a stress-free small little boy who is happily football with his friends! Damn damn cute! I swear! OMG! Even a girl like me who hates football loves watching him and his friends play! HEHEHE! 

Anyway, have anyone ever wondered why cultures and religions exist? Why isn't everyone the same? Why isn't everyone's values and beliefs the same? Wouldn't that be so much more easier? No conflict, no arguments, everyone lives together happily! I don't know.. This thing is fking irritating to me.. I swear I don't know what to do.. Can't there be a win-win-win situation where all three parties are happy? Actually it is only me that is stuck in the middle.. Cause the two of them are not going to change.. 

Why can't everything be just fking perfect? There are already so many things that are just so perfect already? Does it hurts to have a few more things to be perfect too? And the problem doesn't lie with us now.. It is other things that are being not perfect.. Parents object due to all the various reasons.. Makes me want to run away to a country without anyone that I know so much..

Anyway, WHATEVER! FUCK ALL THESE SHIT!

For now, just enjoy each day as it is!

SIMPLE AND PERFECT DAY!

NIKE MERCURIAL ! SEXY RIGHT ?

The above photo shows my baby ! ^^ Actually, is our baby ! That's right ! They are Nike Mercurial ! Exact model ? Don't ask me ! Cause I don't know ! Hehehehe ! They don't belong to me ! Don"t joke ! HAHAHAHA ! I don't play soccer ! Hahahaha ! They belong to my baby ! And I am sure you know who he is ! If you don't, you seriously need to update yourself ! HAHAHAH ! He is Joseph Yap Hao Zhong ! ^^ 

This is how he looks like ! ^^

I know my blog has been died for damn damn long ! So I decided to make it alive again ! ^^ But probably no one reads my blog anymore ! :( 

Anyway, today was wonderful ! Another perfect day spent with my Joseph ! To cut down on words, I will use photos instead ! ^^

Well, early in the morning at 9.30am, I met my darling boy at Raffles Place MRT station before heading to Stadium MRT ! Guess where did I go ?

STADIUM MRT ! I thought those were 3D sculptures when I first saw them ! >.<

THE CAGE !!!

I went to The Cage ! ^^ Hehehehe ! A place that I would never imagine myself going since I am not a soccer person ! Can't wait to watch my baby play soccer ! ^^

Helped him changed into his boots and there he goes ! It is just perfect ! I can just watch him play the whole day ! The way he moves, the way he kicked the ball, EVERYTHING ! 

P.S. He kicks the ball damn hard ! 

Whenever I looked at him, it makes me think about how cool our relationship is ! 5 months ago, when I first met him, he seemed so distant from me ! Like it is so hard to get to know him better ! I would never imagine myself watching him play soccer 5 months later ! And yet, there I am ! HAHAHAH !

After that, we went to Leisure Park's Starbucks to buy his tumblr ! That cute boy was so happy ! ^^ HAHAHAH ! Then we came back to Northpoint's Starbucks to drink our favourite drinks and watched a movie ! Balls of fury ! ^^ Funny movie ! HAHAHAH ! He sent me home before going home to meet his friends ! ^^ 

That is a summary of my day with my Joseph ! It is a simple yet perfect day !

Why?

CAUSE I AM WITH HIM ! ^.^

A heart that will never be healed~

Well.. Everything turns out to be like shit in the end. I thought that I will be able to forget everything today and really be happy. I guess I was wrong.. Well, at least I know that you will be jealous when I talk about them. You seems to be so concentrated on looking at your stuffs, so I just walked away so as not to disturb you. I can't always be there to disturb you can I ? And as for what happened in the theatre, I don't know why either. It is just that do you really don't want to listen to me that much ? Or maybe you were just kidding but I took it too seriously ? I don't know.. And thinking about it, my tears just rolled down. That aside, the reason that I didn't want you to send me home is actually because I feel so unimportant to you.. I know I am important to you, but I just feel that way alright ? It is like he wanted to have an impromptu meeting with you and you just changed our original plan for that. And yet when I suddenly say I want to meet you like on Friday, you said you will try after I said nevermind for several times. How do you explain this? And since you are going to change our plans so as to meet him, then why bother sending me home? Just to kill time? When you told me that you are also not meeting him so early, my heart totally broke.. That's the reason why you wanted to send me home? So that you wont have to wonder in cwp aimlessly? Originally, I still wanted to ask you if you wanted to eat dinner together. Thank god I didn't. At least then you would feel like you can't decided. Or am I thinking too much because you wouldn't even struggle to answer? You could just told me that you are eating with him right? Haix. Why am I saying until as though it is your fault? It isn't. It would never be. My healing heart broke again trice today. I really don't know what to do anymore.. Maybe we shouldn't even go out today. At least things won't turn out to be like that. At least I wouldn't need to know the truth.. And do you even know what I hate the most? I don't think you know. So I will tell you now. And I hate to be left alone the most. Whenever I am alone, I will be at a loss of what to do..

I really don't want.. But what can I do ?

Nonetheless, thanks for spending time with me today.

I'm sorry~

And I know I broke yours too. I am sorry. There's really a lot of things that I didn't tell you. I just can't tell you. I don't know why either. Perhaps because everything was my fault. I am really at a loss of what to do. Everyday, I am just replaying the conversation we had on that day in my head. And I regretted telling you that. Cause if I didn't, we might be spending some time together right now. Totally regretted.. But what can I do now? Maybe that's why I don't feel like telling you anything? Just in case I make everything even worse? I had been trying very hard to forget about it. But like I told you, everytime I tried to forget, it became even more clear in my mind. And things were made even worse by your class performance. It wouldn't have been so bad if my class performance wasn't right after yours. Then at least I wouldn't be able to see you so close to me.. This is totally ridiculous but I really.... I really don't want to watch you dancing so happily with her. I know you didn't choose it but still... The feeling is just natural. So to avoid having that feeling, I just don't look at you then. And yesterday during the first rehearsal, I wouldn't have been so high if it wasn't because we were all going crazy at that time. And I know you were standing at the glass door during my class performance. So I just choose to look somewhere else. I don't know why but I really don't want to see you yesterday. It is just that. No special reasons. And I don't know why I just don't want to reply your message when you text me last night. Maybe to see how much you would care? But I guess I still replied because I really miss you. And till now, my heart still hurts. Knowing that I am not as important to you as you are to me. But I am forcing myself to accept it. Since I can't expect you to treat me like how I treat you. And I don't dare to tell you. Because I don't think I can take all those things that you might say to me again. Really wished that you can be with me. At least it shows that I am still important to you. But I guess it will never happen. So I can only hug my teddy everyday. Was hoping that you could be with me today, but since you are busy, then it is okay barh. At least I still got teddy. :') 

Life sucks. Really. There isn't a single day where things would just turn out like how I wish it will. Even by stating something in general that another person also agree, I get laughed at, being judged at, being left alone and not being cared by anyone. I have always tried to please everyone, by agreeing to everything they say, do whatever they want, etc. And I am tired of always doing that. No one appreciate anyway. So i just decided to start behaving like how I want. All I did was to treat people like how they treated me and say what I really want to say on twitter, I got scolded, blamed, misunderstood, laughed, and every single other suckish thing that you can ever think of. Don't say you can understand me. Cause the truth is, no one does. Everyone has at least a best friend that they can rely on. Me lerh ? My cute teddy bear whom I always hug to sleep when I am feeling down ? It can't even talk to me.

And if you are reading this, this is for you. I know you don't like me saying all those stuffs about you. But honestly, think about it yourself. Aren't they true ? Those things aside, how do you feel when I ignore you ? How do you feel when I give you the black face when you want to talk to me ? Do you know that that was how you have treated me for don't know how many times already ? I always bear with it. And i tried to think in your shoes. That's why I always never say anything. But I really can't take it anymore. So i wanted to do the same thing to you and to let you know how I feel. But what is the result ? I was being blamed for treating you like that and not thinking in your shoes. What about you try thinking in my shoes ? What have I been going through the past one and a half year ? You said I am your best friend. Honestly, I believed you. I wanted you to be my best friend too. But I am sorry. You don't understand the meaning of 'best'. 'Best' means the only one. And yet you have so many many other best friends. I don't expect you to not treat them like your best friends, but I am just sorry alright ? I am just a selfish girl who wish to be treated like how I treat others. And since you are my only best friend, I wanted that too. But since I can't control you, the least that I can expect from you is for you to treat me as equally as your other best friends. But from what I am seeing and feeling, pardon me if I am wrong, I am being treated even worse than your friend. I don't want to quarrel with you about this anymore. So well. I just want you to know how I feel.

And this is for the other you. Whatever I tweet isn't about you. But I cant deny that it wasn't inspired by you. You were just so secretive. So it just made me realised that I didn't like people being secretive. And if you don;t want to say, maybe you should have just kept quiet and act like you don't know anything ? Maybe it affect or doesn't affect you since I am a nobody to you, but i really wished that you can think in my shoes. I have always treated you like a good friend, always trying to please you. I tried to sustain a conversation with you, only to be failed by you just making some sounds or just moving your head. I wanted to have a happy conversation with you, just like what everyone have. Do you really hate me that much that you don't even want to talk to me ? If so, please let me know. Friends aren't supposed to have any secrets within us isn't it ? So I supposed you don't treat me like a friend anymore. Sorry that I always bother you. Sorry if I have offended you. I really am. But I really still treat you as a good friend.

I am really tired. Tired of trying to chap into everyone's conversation because no one will want to talk to me. Tired of trying to decide whether to continue pleasing others or to be myself. Tired of trying to please everyone. Tired of facing the emotions that just came to me after what people say about me when I say what I really want to say. Sorry everyone that I am not good enough. Sorry that I can't please all of you all. Sorry that I always interrupt all your conversations. Sorry that I always try to act like I am just like you all so as to be able to fit in. But all I wanted was seriously a life that everyone else have. The kind of life that they can always go find their best friends when they needed help.